Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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