never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
