So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
