I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
