My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
