My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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