He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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