Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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