dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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