Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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