You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
