smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I deserve this hangover.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
