Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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