i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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