If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
