i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
