I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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