Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
