Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
