my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
