hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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