Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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