I must be too annoying 4 u.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
