yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
