Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
vagina is talking i cant
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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