I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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