I want to stick my p in your. b.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
