Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
