I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
