i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
