I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
where are my eyebrows?
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