guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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