i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
