I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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