sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
