just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
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i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
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Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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