PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
