): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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