my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
