i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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