Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
