I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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