You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can't turn off my feet"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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