the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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