This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
