Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
