His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize