I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
