You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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