I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
