Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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