i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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