We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
