My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
