dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
