You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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