Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
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You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
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If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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